Lent already.......

can I find my way back?

O God, where did I go wrong?
How can I find my way back?
I am weighed down by this feeling
that I have failed – you, other people, myself.
My life is a mess.

Kyrie eleison (sung or said)

You know my weakness.
You know much better than me:

I can’t hide it from you.
How can I bear to face it too?

Kyrie eleison (sung or said)

Guilty as charged –
however much I argue my case.
It’s your laws I have broken;
it’s your way I have lost;
it’s your word I have chosen not to hear
over and over again.

Kyrie eleison (sung or said)

O God, where did I go wrong?
How can I find my way back?

Eggs and Ashes

(Book) 

by Ruth Burgess and Chris Polhill

Practical & liturgical resources for Lent and Holy Week

I came across this a couple of years ago when a colleague who is part of the Iona community used another meditation about judas.  It made me think then, in this time of refocusing of examining will i will each of us be honesty and real with ourselves about who we are and where we stand with God. it's easy to kid ourselves to stick our heads in the sand and hide. but what part of our character what parts of our lives needs to come under the shadow of the cross

It's Oh SO Quiet......

It's Oh SO Quiet...... Well at least Blogging wise it has been for my patch.... 


 Last week I was back at Cliff College for a intensive lecture week towards a MA and what was to turn out to be my last full lecture week, my final paper before my dissertation will be a independent research study. 


Tuesday night was the college celebration the fortnightly service. 


The preacher that night asked what image of Jesus what image of God do you carry. that may seem like a simple and easy question but its far from it. I Like many others have been watching the New ITV series Eternal law, the story about a group of angles who work among us these ones are lawyers. Not most peoples idea when describing lawyers but for those of  us who have a different opinion then there a fallen angel who tries to work against them. The salvation story runs through so do the themes of hope, reconciliation and peace. One of the images that comes through in the programme is that of the God who punisishs as one episode brings this with the idea that Mr Mountjoy (God) seems almost determined to destroy the world if the angels fail to save everyone. This misses the love and reaching out to the world that took place when Mountjoy Jr (Jesus) came into the world. the image of God that we carry shapes our actions and views.  

We can easily slip into a wrong image of God, the preacher that night gave the image of Jesus found in the gospels ( matthew, mark, Luke and John..) the question Do you have this image of Jesus. 

My answer wasn't the answer I had thought it would be... whats yours

meetings where minuets are kept.....

I had a book I don't remember the title or who the author was which is unlike me. It was a book that had silly comments in it about life those of you who no me will get the type of thing I mean and why it amused me. I remember so of the comments in it, things like 

out of bounds = a tired kangaroo

vestry = where the Vicar keeps their vests

and then the meaning of meeting = where minutes are kept and hours wasted :) 

I'm Not much for meetings I like doing, not sitting and talking about doing especially when it leads to the above statement. I do plan and prepare and think and pray things through but not normally while sat in a room or behind my desk. How I do that comes in a variety of ways.. sometimes it's in a room with others a lot of the time it's while doing other things little thoughts come together then they go down on sticky notes that cover different surfaces. My tutor taught us a away of doing this to see the vision come through from pre conception conception birth and then through to maturity. Funny he still uses this method and posted a photo on his facebook just this last week....

The two meeting this week were community meetings one I'm still not sure what it was about- the other was great 5 of us where there a parent two teachers myself and another member of the community and a member of Leicester council.. 

What both meetings did have was new contacts two from the first meeting and much more from the second... 

I came away from the first meeting a little disappointed, even though at the end two brief conversations added to the network of possible contacts in the area.

today one of those contacts was put into place in the second meeting.. and look forward to seeing how things work out in the coming months.

New Home....

My patch is on the move again .... I'm moving just down the road to a new house. 

This wasn't what I was expecting to be doing for a while yet.And definitely not in at the end of february  . I was told just a week ago that the landlord would have to sell the house :(. It wasn't a call they wanted to make nor the one that I was expecting. The call I was expecting was to say they were on the way to come fix the fence that came down in the recent storms.... So it was a bit of a shock and saddening I'd made this little house home. Friends had helped in the garden and little things around the house. Gutted is the closest I can find to how it felt. 


The afternoon I got the call I went for a walk just to see what was in the local area I wanted to stay close by. I have always felt that I wanted to live and work in the same community. One of the comments that cemented this was by one of the youth group a few years ago who commented miss your one of us arn't you, you live on .......... street. 


well I found a house just 5 mins away.. I rang up and monday evening viewed it... tuesday morning i camped outside the estate agents with all the paperwork i thought i may need to fill in a application for the house. then the wait to find out... well lunch time today I got the call that my application was successful and i can rent the house...

Covenant

The Methodist Covent Service I have a copy of the covent prayer on my office wall. I've had a copy of it for a long time now, this one I picked up from Wesley's House. It's never a easy prayer to say. Wesley would have classes about it to help people think through just what was being said during the covent.  This year it was even harder after a difficult year... 

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

If your like me right now the words you just read the word that comes to mind is ouch... 

the prayer strips away the very core of the thing that we take so strongly our RIGHTS.. To say this prayer is to deny they very thing that drives our world. That last line I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal. 

The first service of January in Baslow I joined friends as we came together to join together in renewing this covent with God.

Just Another Bear!!

Earlier this week I posted the photo below on my photo blog. The day I saw it walking the dog it really stopped me. It really isn't something you expect to see. One of the things this blog was about was seeing God in the little patch that I live and work in. To see God in the everyday in the ordinary of life. This image has stayed in my thoughts all week. one comment left saw 'peace offering'. I don't no the story behind why this was done a joke or a remembrance of a accident. So what was the photo 

Bear behind barbed wire on the top of a wall. So many of those who live next door or down the road to. Those who are our neighbours and even yes even each of us can be just like this bear at times that wanting to be loved, cared for love me lots. Yet there are hugh sharp barriers around keeping us in and others,  and hurting ourselves and others out.

The amnesty international symbol also came to mind with this picture 

 

Hope and light in a dark place in the candle and wire, love and peace comfort behind wire in the image of the bear in both these images is what our communities need.

Today another image spoke to me that of Holy Saturday that saturday between Good Friday and Easter day. Esther  De Waal writes about a image of what took place on this day something that artist struggle to show. yet on a font in a English church 

 is a dramatic and dynamic scene, portrayed with extra- ordinary vigour and richness. Christ is dragging Adam out of a limbo of twisted knots, rather like clinging tentacles. (An antiquarian brochure, written by someone who had no idea of the context, described it as a man being pulled out of a thorny hedge, and somehow I always felt that this homely interpretation was no bad way of catching something of the difficulty and discomfort of how entangled we become and how we need the help of a strong hand to drag us upward.)  Seeking Life.p.14-15

The bear at the end of the road here a daily reminder of the mystery and grace of Easter that there is nothing not even a barb wire fence that will stop the Love and grace of God reaching out to His creation. Not matter what the darkness in life may be His light will shine through and the comforter will be there alongside by His Spirit and by His People being Jesus with skin on.

December

December seems to hit at a high speed. Even with Advent a time to prepare to reflect on the great mystery of christmas as godly Play puts it. December seems to pass in a blur. Which is sad I've started to enjoy and see advent in a new way recently, partly through being connected in london with a Anglican church and with friends who view and realise advent in different ways to us here in the uk and this year being in a new patch. It;s been good not to have the trapping of christmas around until almost the last week of advent. The tree Went up in church on the 18th when the christingle took place. 


A wonderful carol service at Baslow Methodist Church while visiting STF at cliff college. 

carols by candlelight at All Saints

And another but very different back in MyPatch by candlelight

Top moments of 2011

A friend posted on her blog her top moments of 2011(here) then sent out a tweet to challenge to do the same and STF posted her 11 for 11 (here)...

So my moments for 2011 Hmmm it's been a really hard year for MyPatch in a lot of ways.. but lets see how far we get.....

1.  Hesse (link) with a friend is always good enjoy these trip with this friend a lot...

2.  Trip though the Finnish Archipelago over night with STF and had breakfast on the boat looking out over the harbour in Sweden. playing wii bowling in the children deck very funny oh and Playing M&M poker

3. Getting a second merit for a MA assignment which meant I could go on to the full MA at Cliff College. Thanks due here to STF and My/Our friend and mentor Rev Dr P Meadows. Who believed and encouraged.

4.  Robes project... talking and serving the homeless who stayed one night a week with us in vauxhall over the winter months. For many there were good news stories of lives renewed starting jobs.and new homes.

5.  My New Home and New post in Leicester -

6. Bryan Adams in Concert at the O2 amazing night

7. Cub Camp - eating pizza in Akkalas car that had been smuggled back to camp by her and another leader so the other didn't find out...

8. Little women- Helping with the Lighting at the inner city players production.

9. Tea and home made scones on the patio in wonderful sun in Turku

10. Trip to Greenwich and the docklands museums picnic lunch band in Hyde Park on a hot sunny sunday afternoon Regents park too tea at the teahouse theatre

11. Street party in vauxhall for the royal wedding and wandering round London the night of the wedding chatting and taking in the atmosphere.

Advent 4

So we're almost at the end of the  journey to Bethlehem and so the ADVENTure is almost over but is it theres much more to the story more of the journey to take..  I'll be sad to leave the advent story behind I've enjoyed leading it and enjoyed seeing the different children engage with the different characters. Comments from other leaders about the wondering we did on the very first story of the Holy Family way back in October. Who went home and discussed it with there significant others.

But today we had the wise men bringing there gifts.. Each week there has been that little phrase that makes me smile todays was this 


"The wise men are always late, every year they're late, usually not arriving until January 6th. But we remember them anyway, because like us, they too on our their way to Bethlehem."  :).. 

Christmas Meal

I used to love school dinners esp the sponge cake with pink icing on covered in custard. Today was christmas dinner at Hamilton Community College.

 Over the Last few weeks I've been working in the Key stage 3 base ( thats yr 7-8 (11-14's) or to the older readers 1st & 2nd yrs of secondary). Those who come to the base are in need of support in different ways through bad days or need help with social skills. The base is part of the Inclusion facilities at the school 

The faculty strongly believes in the College ethos, “Every child should achieve their very best and feel secure,” regardless of their individual needs.  The Learning and Life Skills Faculty is dedicated to improving the literacy and numeracy of targeted students, SA, SA+ and Statemented, providing nurture as appropriate and to share information on students with needs to all staff, especially strategies and targets to include in mainstream lessons wherever possible. 

Looking back many of those who come through the base when I was at school would have been excluded from education. That now is the last case Scenario each each child's situation is looked at individually. There are many reasons why there are struggles with certain lessons or how we handle situations... for some it's english is a second or even third language, others its difficult settling in to a new environment, a unsettled home life. And those worries and concerns come through in many different ways.

talking to one of the staff they use chocolate buttons instead of counters playing draughts with those who struggle with patients and frustration..not sure i would have the patients not to eat the counters :)..

but this was titled christmas meal.. and today classes for yr 7 finished a few minuets early as we all went down to the dinning hall and lined up for lunch. The dinner was worth the wait.

  It would give any restaurant a run for it's money  

Advent 3

Our favourite part of the Advent story is the changing of the flame. We don't put out the flame we change it.. I love that.. the words are  

Look. Do you see how the flame is in just one place now? It is right here. When I change the light, it will no longer be in just one place. You can’t see it after it spreads out all over the room, but it is there.

These words remind me of the opening verses of Johns gospel.. words that will be read at 9 lessons and carols around the world over these next few days.
      the Word present to God,
      God present to the Word.
   The Word was God,
      in readiness for God from day one. Everything was created through him;
      nothing—not one thing!—
      came into being without him.
   What came into existence was Life,
      and the Life was Light to live by.
   The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; 
      the darkness couldn't put it out. 
The simpleness of that phrase, unpacks something much deeper and ties together the mystery of Christmas and Easter... 

One of the boys changing the light

At the end of our session we don't pack everything away but instead put it on the bench we use for our focal shelf. Why well this is so that there is opportunity for sharing with the wider body of the church.

Waking up the neighbours

          During the last song the little lights are mobile phone screens 

Well last nights trip to the O2 was fantastic.. And a amazing concert by Bryan Adams and Band It's not very often i no all the words or even recognise the words to songs ( thats if you can actually hear them, Hmmm think I'm getting old!!!) last night i did and came away with ringing ears and no voice from singing and shouting for 2.5hours, everything I do I do it for you, Summer of 69, 18 till I die, can't stop this thing we started and more...

Last year year bryan adams was in Tampere I was in Turku Finland I thought about going but decided it would be crazy with the weather. Then a call from a friend here in london I know you wanted to go last year but couldn't  I've just got two tickets do you want one  for london.. So it's been a long wait but I'm just about to leave to go down to london for the night.

Music and Theatre are things that really refill me..

More later :)

Advent 2

The table was put away this week at the back of church the bench remained to become our focal shelf and out came the carpet. its not very big but was big enough for the four of us and the the story.. This was a new way of doing junior church for us. And though we cant do a full Godly play session in the time we have we can tell the story have a quiet wonder time and short very short time for reflection ( they normally want to draw ) before joining back with there adults as we break bread.

What was great this week was the retelling of the story of advent one that one of the children had heard twice now and as I put the tile out recounted what it was about..  So the journey continued from the prophets to Mary and Joseph's journey to Bethlehem.

I think the best bit for all of us was changing the light more on that another time though...

Christmas fete

This weekend was busy here with the christmas fete.. To see the church changed was truly remarkable and for it to be back to normal ready for sunday and the visit of The Bishop was even more so. The fete was fun. The youth ran a stall with some testing games like below( mouse maze) guess the bears birthday and little gifts for sale that the Kids and youth had made over the last few weeks..

then all back to normal for sunday

A King Is comming

Maggi Dawn writes 

The first Sunday of Advent is the beginning of the Church year, the liturgical journey that explores not only the story but the meaning of salvation. Creation as the start of everything is a theme that is often highlighted at this time.

It is also the beginning of our preparations for Christmas—and, as Christmas celebrations are creeping further and further back into December, Advent is focused more on Christmas than it ever used to be. The preparation for Christmas, and the stories of the nativity, are a key part of the later weeks of Advent.  (Beginnings and Endings (and What Happens in Between): Daily Bible Readings from         Advent to Epiphany P11)

Today in churches around the world the first candle was lit, a candle of hope of promise a candle for the prophets who proclaimed the wonderful message Of what God was going to do. During our Family Eucharist today our first candle was lit.. And we reflected on Advent   and used the Godly Play material for Advent. Which we used last week for the story time at our monthly Kids club...


The opening words to today I love almost as much as the words from the Holy Family "wonderful in a Easter kinda way.

 A King is coming, but he is not the kind of king that people thought was coming. This King had no army, no great house, and no riches. This King was a baby who was born in a barn.

The King who was coming is still coming. This is full of mystery. You know, a mystery is hard to enter sometimes. That is why this time of Advent is so important. Sometimes people can walk right through a mystery and not even know it is there. This time of year you will see people hurrying in the malls buying things and doing this and that, but they will miss the Mystery. They don’t know how to get ready or maybe they just forgot.

Things were slightly bigger than I'm used too... we had the first tile on the big screen throughout most of the service... which was great to do but I do like sitting in a little circle on the carpet to tell the story.


As part of the service FrM shared this video 

It is so easy to miss the what advent is all about..This time of year you will see people hurrying in the malls buying things and doing this and that, but they will miss the Mystery. They don’t know how to get ready or maybe they just forgot. it's not just those who are rushing about in shops that my miss the mystery.  I wonder when was the last time you stopped and reflected on what Christmas is about. Maybe this advent take up the challenge for just five (5) mins a day to think about what is this mystery to me...


there are plenty for resources for advent like the one mentioned above (link)


shared briefly about letting the kids touching interacting with the materials and take on the story for themselves to often the nativity set is to be looked at but not touched..... 

when we were clearing up last week turning round to see the kids playing with the Holy family and the module of Bethlehem..


During advent each sunday morning the rest of the ADVENTure will unfold...  

Y@AS

Last night saw the launch of the youth club here in Scraptoft.  The idea is to have a very relaxed relationship building based group, provide a safe space. To start last night we had the Wii out table top games and a quiet area, a silly game that will run the next four weeks ( till christmas) and not forgetting a tuck shop. 


I had expected a very quiet start to the club, three youth were moving up from the monthly kids club. And a few interested from detached work over the last few weeks (Each wednesday morning- yep you read that right a youth worker talking about mornings :)) while the youth waited for the bus. So 6 or so youth were expected.


We wasn't I wasn't expecting to get 18... 


So a much busier night than any of us had expected. 

In proverbs 16 it says 

Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
   and he will establish your plans.

The danger is when you do this He could just blow your expectations out of the window. Taking them further than you think. 

The prayer now is for next week that they return and relationships are built at the club but also while doing detached in the mornings and We continue to give the plans to God and to listen to His plans and leading. And for more volunteers to come forward...

three months

That was this weekend, Its been three months since I began work in the parish here.  Since being here my one word answer to the Diocesan Youth Officer(DYO) when asked how it goes has been SLOW. Today things started to speed up as the meetings with schools finally happened. One a primary school the other a community college. So from next week I'll be in both at least twice a week doing reading, pastoral playground games, story time...

between the two meetings nipping into a chip shop and a great chat with the owner about the youth in the area and that they often hang out in the shop in a evening. Not doing anything just a warm welcoming place. 'there good kids just nothing to do' and not having the money to buy anything. From this is another place and contact to meet with the youth with a bag of chips in hand to chat.

it's these "chance" conversations that so much is learnt about place and people.

All Saints Kids

We were making the nativity today at Kids club we meet every third sunday last time we met I told the Godly play Story of the Holy family this week we did advent one ( which we will do again during family Eucharist next week) As we finished and we collected the characters together the conversation went like this

Kid: wheres baby Jesus... Me: being made over there... kid: but I thought He was born.... 

As the other leaders started laughing  it then a discussion with a 9yr old about the creed

the end of the conversation was followed by haha you were told by a 9yr old...

MA MA

I was watching repeats of  dr who (gridlock) and there this really cute bit with a basket of kittens the dr picks one up and it says Mama. 


My patches life is often a juggling act.. let me explain Two years ago my friend and mentor encouraged me to apply for a course that I was interested in. The course at cliff college was to be a PostGrad certificate in Wesleyan Theology And Spirituality. What came next totally surprised me but not so my mentor. I never expected to be completeling a Masters degree to be honest I never expected to complete any further study after leaving school. Two years into the part time course and this week attended a dissertation conference at cliff college. Three words really sum up the feelings about this next task exited, scared, overwhelmed. You see i have the same probem as pooh bear 

“My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles,

 and the letters get in the wrong places.”

 -- Winnie the Pooh


This week I'm off upto Cliff college for a dissertation conference scary.. 

The other part of the juggling act is that I have a full time post as well.  Its just  over 2 months now since starting here in Leicester and things are about to get busy with  going into two schools and the new youth club starting in a couple of weeks and in between a week long course with the diocese so not much on then..

And a some point I need to write a 6000 word essay for the third unit of my course ...