Laying down picking up

Pick up sticks, and age old game that I introduced to one of the junior schools that I go into. It's strange how in the age of the Xbox and other interactive gadgets  this simple game has captured the imagination of so many children. I started with two boxes of these sticks and have since expanded to six. 

To play pick up sticks you first have to lay them down.  Theres two ways of this. Laying the down as precisely as you can so they land neatly. That isn't always the easiest of things. They fall how they want to no matter how you try to get them to land . The other option is just letting go and dropping them not caring how they land. 

It's is not just with this children's game we put things down in these two ways. Our gifts, talents, Ministry , Call and even friends and family. 

We can lay things on a alter before God to leave them in His care gently with care not knowing if or when we may return to lift them back up again. The other option is to almost just drop them like the sticks, not bothering. Laying things down comes through differing reasons but how we respond to the reasons really matters. 

 Its possible that both of these actions are done through anger or despair through struggle. 

Sometime ago it the second option seemed the best choice, not just throwing it down but throwing back at God rather than to  lay things down through prayer. The process was one of not wanting to use or have the call and gifts to go with that. At the time there seemed no way out of the situation that was engulfing  everything. There was no joy or life in the gift something that was once enjoyed now was a chore. 

This week the gift and call that was thrown down in anger and hurt was gently if somewhat scarily given back. 

Picking that gift back up started with the preparation a couple of weeks ago. What was amazing was the way in which the enjoyment of the preparation that revitalises and refreshes came flooding back. 

 This week a fresh and new understanding of the words of Jesus 'I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly' (John 10:10) opened up for the first time since throwing down that gift and call once again life felt truly full.

Holy Island

Last week I had the opportunity to go on retreat to Holy Island. A place I've wanted to visit for a while now. Living on the island you are bound by seasons bound by the rhythm of the tide. For a short time each day when at low tide you can walk and drive across the sea bed to the island. each day pilgrims and visitors make the journey. 

on the oppersite side of the Island to where most of the tourists stay is a pebble beach. ten's of little piles of rocks mark the way like the one above. Evidence of pilgrims  past   show us the way forward along the path. a connection with the saints of old lay scattered on the side of the path as wind, rain and tide displace the pile that once stood.

Throughout history these markers have been built to represent promise, hope and encounter with God, a way of remembering.

a question echoed on the incoming waves how do you mark the good things that God has done in your life, those markers that guide and remind of HIS faithfulness Grace and Love .....

Lent already.......

can I find my way back?

O God, where did I go wrong?
How can I find my way back?
I am weighed down by this feeling
that I have failed – you, other people, myself.
My life is a mess.

Kyrie eleison (sung or said)

You know my weakness.
You know much better than me:

I can’t hide it from you.
How can I bear to face it too?

Kyrie eleison (sung or said)

Guilty as charged –
however much I argue my case.
It’s your laws I have broken;
it’s your way I have lost;
it’s your word I have chosen not to hear
over and over again.

Kyrie eleison (sung or said)

O God, where did I go wrong?
How can I find my way back?

Eggs and Ashes

(Book) 

by Ruth Burgess and Chris Polhill

Practical & liturgical resources for Lent and Holy Week

I came across this a couple of years ago when a colleague who is part of the Iona community used another meditation about judas.  It made me think then, in this time of refocusing of examining will i will each of us be honesty and real with ourselves about who we are and where we stand with God. it's easy to kid ourselves to stick our heads in the sand and hide. but what part of our character what parts of our lives needs to come under the shadow of the cross

It's Oh SO Quiet......

It's Oh SO Quiet...... Well at least Blogging wise it has been for my patch.... 


 Last week I was back at Cliff College for a intensive lecture week towards a MA and what was to turn out to be my last full lecture week, my final paper before my dissertation will be a independent research study. 


Tuesday night was the college celebration the fortnightly service. 


The preacher that night asked what image of Jesus what image of God do you carry. that may seem like a simple and easy question but its far from it. I Like many others have been watching the New ITV series Eternal law, the story about a group of angles who work among us these ones are lawyers. Not most peoples idea when describing lawyers but for those of  us who have a different opinion then there a fallen angel who tries to work against them. The salvation story runs through so do the themes of hope, reconciliation and peace. One of the images that comes through in the programme is that of the God who punisishs as one episode brings this with the idea that Mr Mountjoy (God) seems almost determined to destroy the world if the angels fail to save everyone. This misses the love and reaching out to the world that took place when Mountjoy Jr (Jesus) came into the world. the image of God that we carry shapes our actions and views.  

We can easily slip into a wrong image of God, the preacher that night gave the image of Jesus found in the gospels ( matthew, mark, Luke and John..) the question Do you have this image of Jesus. 

My answer wasn't the answer I had thought it would be... whats yours

Covenant

The Methodist Covent Service I have a copy of the covent prayer on my office wall. I've had a copy of it for a long time now, this one I picked up from Wesley's House. It's never a easy prayer to say. Wesley would have classes about it to help people think through just what was being said during the covent.  This year it was even harder after a difficult year... 

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

If your like me right now the words you just read the word that comes to mind is ouch... 

the prayer strips away the very core of the thing that we take so strongly our RIGHTS.. To say this prayer is to deny they very thing that drives our world. That last line I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal. 

The first service of January in Baslow I joined friends as we came together to join together in renewing this covent with God.

Just Another Bear!!

Earlier this week I posted the photo below on my photo blog. The day I saw it walking the dog it really stopped me. It really isn't something you expect to see. One of the things this blog was about was seeing God in the little patch that I live and work in. To see God in the everyday in the ordinary of life. This image has stayed in my thoughts all week. one comment left saw 'peace offering'. I don't no the story behind why this was done a joke or a remembrance of a accident. So what was the photo 

Bear behind barbed wire on the top of a wall. So many of those who live next door or down the road to. Those who are our neighbours and even yes even each of us can be just like this bear at times that wanting to be loved, cared for love me lots. Yet there are hugh sharp barriers around keeping us in and others,  and hurting ourselves and others out.

The amnesty international symbol also came to mind with this picture 

 

Hope and light in a dark place in the candle and wire, love and peace comfort behind wire in the image of the bear in both these images is what our communities need.

Today another image spoke to me that of Holy Saturday that saturday between Good Friday and Easter day. Esther  De Waal writes about a image of what took place on this day something that artist struggle to show. yet on a font in a English church 

 is a dramatic and dynamic scene, portrayed with extra- ordinary vigour and richness. Christ is dragging Adam out of a limbo of twisted knots, rather like clinging tentacles. (An antiquarian brochure, written by someone who had no idea of the context, described it as a man being pulled out of a thorny hedge, and somehow I always felt that this homely interpretation was no bad way of catching something of the difficulty and discomfort of how entangled we become and how we need the help of a strong hand to drag us upward.)  Seeking Life.p.14-15

The bear at the end of the road here a daily reminder of the mystery and grace of Easter that there is nothing not even a barb wire fence that will stop the Love and grace of God reaching out to His creation. Not matter what the darkness in life may be His light will shine through and the comforter will be there alongside by His Spirit and by His People being Jesus with skin on.

All Saints Kids

We were making the nativity today at Kids club we meet every third sunday last time we met I told the Godly play Story of the Holy family this week we did advent one ( which we will do again during family Eucharist next week) As we finished and we collected the characters together the conversation went like this

Kid: wheres baby Jesus... Me: being made over there... kid: but I thought He was born.... 

As the other leaders started laughing  it then a discussion with a 9yr old about the creed

the end of the conversation was followed by haha you were told by a 9yr old...

Mary

Photo by Mrs.wilsons art room 

A little different makes you think.... Today around the world many christians will be celebrating the birth of Mary... It's not something that the traditions I've be part of before have focused on.. I learnt today that three births are celebrated in the church Jesus, Mary and John the baptist. To take time out to just think at the start of the day about the life of a young woman her journey and impact was to be aware of who is there for those in our community to look up to.. when we see the state of the lives of those who are often the focus of admiration by young girls who want to be like "her". Recently in the news here in the UK the news of the tragic death of another young women for who fame and celebrity took it's toll. Yet it sadly to these and many others that teenagers and some much younger long to be like. 

There is much to learn from the " saints " and leaders who have gone before us whatever our view on Mary there is a lot for us to learn from her and those other early believers.  

Anyone who knows me well knows I'm not really into feminist stuff!! but who are the healthily good godly heros?  who are the role models for young women today?

here in mary we find a young woman who stepped out and stepped up to a challenged who was willing to lay aside her own rights and self even the man she was to marry thought to "devoice her quietly " 

what about me what about you are our lives worth following can we say like paul in his letter do what I do do our lives reflect Jesus. If not what am I what are you going to do about it.

OH and GUYS sorry you don't get off that lightly today either young men need role models just as much  will you step up to the mark too

mystic moggy

A friend posted this on FB

(click on the X to remove adverts)

yeah it's very funny and I do love cats and the very silly things that they do. 
But it got me thinking.....What image of God do we give to those in our patches. There are many stories in the world about the con artist. About those who fake the things of God who add things to thier storie of what God has done in them the "amazing" change that took place since they met with God.. But why embellish the work of God..  or the other side and the dumbing down of the gospel message. 
Its a sad place to be but I have heard people do both, and people I have know a long time. 
More than anything we need to be less like the cat in the video, not giving a performance of "god". We each you and I need to be showing the truth of God day to day in our lives in the little things. Honesty at the till if too much change is given. we are quick enough to complain if the casher gets it wrong and gives us less. Integrity in our speaking in public and in private.
I recently had to get medicenies from the hospital I wasn't expecting to have a perscription made and had no money on me I went to the dispencery and they let me have my meds but took my name and address. three days later i went back to pay. they lady was shcoked and said no one comes back to pay... 
It was a chance to share the gospel with her that opened up.
paul tells us in his letter that we are ambassidors for christ in our patches 
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
how we live matters... the God we show to people matters ... 

Fledglings

Today the service was lead by the young people...

For me it was both joy and sadness... I've called the small group who come and share fellowship at the film and food night my boys... I've seen the grow so much over the last 18 months and they are a real privilege to have journeyed with.

There was the sense of fledging as one of my boys gave the message. His friends called him "pastor " as a joke, yet this young man brought a message that so many of us "older" members of the body of christ miss.. He spoke about unity... the unity of the Spirit... that the Holy Spirit did not come to divided but unit the believers though they were from many backgrounds just like us meeting today are not divided because of the differences but united by the Spirit.

today he fledged the nest and its wonderful to see him wondering and questioning in his faith and sharing those gifts with the church.  my prayer is that he will continue to walk in the light listening to the Spirit and sharing that with the church.

The rest of the youth yet again to did wonderfully today they were themselves no masks when they were up front just themselves and that was great too... they didn't pretend it was real and from the heart.. I loved the end of the service as one of the younger youth said the closing prayer with me just three lines but very special.

Comment response

Recently (see Here) I posted about going on retreat I wrote this "I do struggle with them and more often found them a waste of time" a comment left under the post asked this 

I would be interested in
 a) why and b) what kind of retreats you've actually been on.

So let me try to answer these I probably wont answer in full so I guess that is what the comment tab is for

I've been on a few retreats mostly either day retreats/ quiet days  or over a weekend that were part of work/college and were compulsory attendance. The have all been organised ones and led by people who have led many and have a particular way of leading. Quiet days, some with teaching most of them though find me sat at a table or in a group listening to a speaker talk for most of the day and then we have a few moments of reflection. I find myself daydreaming and finding more and more elaborate ways of escaping the day or weekend. 

I've also been on a couple that I have found good, but these where more of team away day and we walked the seven sisters and had a picnic and then stopped off for a pub supper that day we just hung out together work talk was banned another was getting together for a morning and each taking a song that meant something then having lunch together. both of these I really enjoyed they were loosely organised we knew where we had to be and what to bring but apart from that it was just time away from work. 

The worst one was going away for 3 days this was the one that truly put me off and confirmed for me what a waste of time they were for me. we arrived on the friday evening and had our rooms allocated we had a few moments to settle in then it was supper after supper all our gadgets were " confiscated" until the sunday evening before we left. everything watches, travel clocks, MP3 players mobile phones, Games, everything had to be given in and then it was prayers and silence. I'd kept back my game so I had something and to use in the night, but I had to hand it in too when the person I was with got cross I hadn't. To make matters worse I was in a room with a much much older women who wanted the lights out so there I was alone in the dark awake for all most all the night I was just about asleep when she woke and the lights went on. The next day we sat inside and listened to talk after talk on different things and discussed them in our groups all I wanted to do was be out in the wonderful gardens and by the river that as near by. By the end of that second day I had truly had enough and turned off and tuned out for the rest of my time. I did manage to escape that evening and on the sunday morning. I felt like a caged animal just giving up. we also had a time when we had to go and spend with the chaplain for the weekend which you were told when to go. It was like being told you have a tutorial and thats that. 

That has been how many retreat days or weekends have been extremely tight on time and trying to pack as much as possible in in a short time. Organised with no room to be really me, to wander off/ find space and time out to think on or bin things. No time for me to actually engage with being there. 

The cadged feeling trapped inside all day and being talked at isn't away for me to engage with being away or with God and others. 

Being in a lecture style environment I go into that style of thinking and being, taking notes and trying to concentrate takes a lot of energy and focus. Another side of many of the retreats has been being told when I was to go and see the chaplain. I do not find it easy to just go and talk to someone because I've been expected to. There are very few people who have that place of being where instantly there is a connection more often relationship and trust has to be built and earned before real sharing can begin. 

One style I did find was Good was being on Iona though it was work and I was in work mode for much of the time it parish pilgrimage where I was Co leader.It would be somewhere I would return to it was a style of retreat I could take to and did take to.... the format for the day was simple space and thought came together. We slept in dorms with people from around the world we ate together 3 times a day. We had chores todo together and morning and evening prayer. During the day there were activities or focused times you could join if you wanted to. There were no demands apart from you be at meals, but most of all there was space...there was space time to wander the island or go sit in one of the churches go for coffee to the beach. Time to meet with God just be 

I'm not sure I fully answer the questions but its a start I'm sure...

School assembly

I'm doing the assembly at Archbishop Sumners school today... and following on from easter and other assemblies I've done this year on building your life on the right things as I was looking at ideas I came across this wonderfully simple video (I've got it ready to use at the school hope it works I think they would enjoy it I know I did when I saw it.)

Either way

I'm gonna use flash paper and strong paper to show that when we build our lives on God even when we're shaken (strong paper is hard to tear but it does happen) the base of our lives are in God and though knocked we can deeped on God..

flash paper is cool it burns in an instant and leave no ash or any sign it was ever there... when we base our lives on things not based in the truth of God just like the house on the sand there is nothing to hold on too.....

I'm not saying about using God as a crutch but as a climber I know that if you don't have a strong anchor for your rope there is only one result if you find a loose rock or slip and fall.....

What this day are you building your life on what I am I building my life on...

How is that lead out into what we building into the patch's that God has given each of us to tend...

up and running

Today I managed to sort out my mac (not my winter coat or rain jacket but my laptop) I backed up an erased the hardrive reinstalling just the information I really need.

How good would it be if we were able to do that... wipe out the things that we don't want to remember those things that went wrong mistakes or things we have picked up over time that weigh us down and have a fresh clean slate.

well heres the news it is possible this past weekend is the reason its possible.... God made it possible for each of us to have a fresh start with him our sins forgiven a fresh new start. 

what wonderful news for all of our patches...

that God would take these old broken clay pots called our lives and make them into something remarkable in Him 

my mac will only know the all that was in it's memory if I reinstall it- the memories we have may not be taken away but he will redeem if we would let him.

just a thought....

Reepicheep

Unhand the tail. Aslan the Great gave me this tail and no one, repeat, no one, touches the tail. Period, exclamation mark! 

narniaweb.com

You gotta love Reepicheep..... little mouse big heart


an he has a real point, That tail was a gift a from Aslan and he guarded it no-one would be allowed to take that gift from him..


How do we treat the gift and call that Aslan has given to each of us. Do we allow the gift of God to be touched or taken by another. 


Reepicheep uses his gift- not hiding it away but uses it day to day 


Reepicheep a little mouse in a film on a Saturday afternoon just a bit of entertainment!!!!


nothing to do with our my daily lives our walk with God our discipleship.....

Phantom of the opera

Ok not quite but a similar mask is being worn.

Phantom hand mask

Last week in a moment of madness I managed to brake my hand. Since then a rainbow of colours has greeted me over the past week. ( ok that's two west-end shows refered too in just a few words should stop there I think (over the rainbow is a show about Julie Garland) )

I mentioned in a earlier post that I had been on my MA week during the week we were asked what happens when we loose sight of God my friend tapped me on the arm.  A innocent jester of teasing or something much much deeper when we take our eyes of god wether as a disciple or as a community it is then that we start to wither.  Wesley comments in his sermon on the wilderness state (sermon 46)

4. With loss of faith, and love, and joy there is also joined, Fourthly, the loss of that peace which once passed all understanding. That sweet tranquillity of mind, that composure of spirit, is gone. Painful doubt returns; doubt, whether we ever did, and perhaps whether we ever shall, believe. We begin to doubt, whether we ever did find in our hearts the real testimony of the Spirit; whether we did not rather deceive our own souls, and mistake the voice of nature for the voice of God. Nay, and perhaps, whether we shall ever hear his voice, and find favour in his sight. And these doubts are again joined with servile fear, with that fear which hath torment. We fear the wrath of God, even as before we believed: We fear, lest we should be cast out of his presence; and thence sink again into that fear of death, from which we were before wholly delivered.

I'm not sure which really comes first but do understand what wesley is saying. It is easy to slip into that place where we loose peace.. for what ever reason that may be loss of hope and peace is something that is a day to day reality not just behind the front doors on the estate but behind the long gated driveways of the rich. 

Theres many reasons why  we end in a place that we loose faith, and love, and joy and peace.  How do we get back to the place of having our eyes on jesus is what matters. it may be through seeking forgiveness from another and Going to God in prayer. It may mean letting others those mature and trusted into you life to hold you in prayer to challenge and guide to help you focus again on the truth on God's truth that then stops the dripping tap that ground you down. 

Are you am I  willing in your patch to be the person to come along side and be that still small voice to another, or to be at times that rush of thunder both are needed but wisdom as to when is needed to. 

Are you am I willing to let another be the voice of truth and let them speak in to you my life.....

Replanting

houseplants.com

My patch on the move, Later this summer the little patch of vauxhall that has been where I've been planted since october 2009 will be left behind. Just as with plants it's time for me to be repotted, it's said but also a good time as I seek to find where God wants me to go next. 

As I googled a site today to look at more info about a patch I've applied to today I came across this job title on the rejesus site which was one of their links.....

Job title

Follower of the way

Disciple

Employer details

Jesus of Nazareth

Location

Flexible. You will essentially be a field worker fulfilling the requirements of the role in your local community. You will be prepared to leave the security of home behind at certain times.

Role and purpose

You are to live as Jesus taught, and follow his example. 

I've just finished a intensive MA week over at cliff college which was one of the reasons why blogging was non excitant last week. my MA is in mission Wesleyan Theology and Spirituality and spent a lot of time looking at what it meant to be a real follower of jesus.

whatever happens patch wise this is the job description the way of life that is first and foremost  

At the table

© 2011 Julia Lohmann

I had to smile today, I really did not want to go to church today as wesley once wrote in the famous journal entry  "I went very unwillingly". I haven't been all that well again this week, and had been ill during the night and again during the service. But I was acting steward today so went. Toward the end of the service just as we came together to read the liturgy for communion our youngest member who's about 18months wandered over to the communion rail reached up and almost danced along the rail and played under the table. I was wonderful to see... then his older brother joined him it was great to see the freedom of these two young lives free at the table free to crawl and play and dance... in their fathers house. I came to remember the verse from Song of Solomon 2:4

He brought me to the banqueting house, 

And his banner over me was love.

There is a song called his banner over me that I was singing to my self as I sat there just watching the boys part of the words go   

He brought me to his banqueting table 

And his banner over me is love 

I am my beloved’s and he is mine 

And his banner over me is love 

We delight ourselves at your table oh God

we delight ourselves at your table oh God I love that phrase but it also comes with a "ouch" the ouch do I really delight my self at HIS table like the two young lives did today.....

who's pulling your Strings......

The 1967 Uk entry to the Eurovision song contest was puppet on a string Last night I got to meet one of my all time favourite puppets from childhood sooty.....

I loved this cheeky little bear. So there was a reason to be playing with puppets well at cubs tonight we had a visit from a puppeteer. The cubs were mesmerised by them. Now I'm not always a fan of puppets I hate the ones that look human so the old guys off the muppet show are out... but cuddly ones like sooty sweep and sue 

Though there is much fun and laughter with puppets. What I got to thinking about was the string puppets I have a few of these. the ones that work by strings that make it move. The question was who's pulling your strings. Who is it that guides your motives and actions. 

This can be taken further who is pulling the string on the street, in the flats or over the estate that we live in. Who is it that is being allowed to run things. Is there a time for a change a time to bring about a new way of thinking a new way of being. 

By placing my hand inside sooty I could control to guide the bears actions... am I as willing as the bear to allow my actions to be guided by God. To allow those action and ways to make a difference on my patch.... 

on the tube...

saw this on the tube today... And got me thinking... it's a advert for a uk cable channel. The words at the bottom were what struck me.. its not going to change your life but thats not what we're about you got God channel for that... as part of my studies and coming from a background outside of the church one of the questions that I've asked and many more people are asking is what is church how do we define that word. When church is the people who are disciples of Jesus. encouraging seeking journeying together into a closer relationship with God becoming more like Him. What the advert here says is what they are and are not. they are there for entertainment - not to change life.. they are one of many channels bidding for our time.. putting on different programmes aiming at different groups of people... sounds very like the way the "church" does things. The tv channel are very aware of who they are and what they are about. I think that has a major challenge for the "church" are we just another group/organisation that is vying for peoples time or is there more is the church the place where lives are transformed. Not just putting on programmes but leading each other deeper in life changing encounters with the living God.. 

Shalom

Evening Prayer: karin leonard

I saw this while messing around looking up peace.. The title of this post in Hebrew.  It would be a  photo I'd have taken  given the chance walking along the shore.  The painting isn't s well known as the one I posted earlier this week and spoke about in that post. It is a strange place to be talking about peace right now.. when everything says I should be angry, when the world would say you should be angry.  This painting for me is peace, is my idea of peace.

I put on my Facebook status yesterday that I was amused by a situation that I found myself in. It should have hurt, been like putting salt on a wound or pressing a bruise to have continued to feed into how I was doing. But to use amuse surly not not just a few days after being found in the darkest of shadows. A friend noted they were not amused but livid at what had happened. I wrote amused having spent time listening - listening to what God was saying to me, I was on retreat, not a retreat in a normal sense and not something I do very often.. space, conversation, questions (Hard questions at times),friends, food and prayer and love.  

The timing wasn't the most easy for any of us to be going through this ( work and family for my friends) and for me to be doing a hedgehog impression. 

I'm not saying that it has just gone away it's still a hard place to be in. To be writing about peace feels as I started the post as being very wrong. This though is the reality of the place that I find myself in. 

The words of Bill Johnson tonight rang so true and resonate with what I was being asked to refocus on while away he writes

"You can only hold on to one thing at a time - the promise of God or disappointment. You'll have to drop one to embrace the other." 

To live in this goes against the very nature of man against self, we want to live in the disappointment and hurt.to justify the how we are feeling and almost keep ourselves in the position of being disappointed or hurt. We have been promised life by God... not just any type of life but life in all fullness.. 

Coming back from the retreat carrying this peace that the promises of God are still strong, that the family that He has given are there to cary and support. The hedgehog isn't unfurled yet there is a though unlike this time last week a pin prick of light at the end of the tunnel. The peace I have I can not begin to explain to truly describe to you it can't be Earned,  or brought it is freely given . I know where this peace comes from 

 "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding"