Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?

I guess many will instantly know the painting here, the scream by Edvard Munch yes thats right not Vincent Willem van Gogh. It has been used time and time again as a illustration of pain and anguish that is suffered. Its in many ways a good friday picture. so what do I mean by that. I part to be very honest here I don't know. It's a place that for each of us is very different. A place of soul searching of a place where the end of the tunnel seems so distant there is not even a pin prick of light at the end of it. A place of loneliness, of betrayal (very real not always true) a place where you cant even breath a place that seems like drowning. For jesus he went through this too, the feeling of abandonment, the gospels recount those last hours and words, 

“At three o’clock, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ which is translated, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” 

(Mark 15:34; Matthew 27:46).

there on the cross Jesus was praying the words of psalm 22 a psalm that starts with pain with sorrow and ends with praise to God, to his father. He Knew the such a deep suffering and anguish. Yet did not give up on His father did not let go that relationship. 

yet the writer of the psalm asks that ever present question in time of grief and pain "why" "why have you forsaken" what is being experienced by the writer is how we find ourselves , with situations and places that makes no sense; where things do not fit together."Why" God seems very distant in both space and time theres a emptiness left. The wandering through trust and question, hanging on by finger tips to faith. blistered,sore and bleeding finger tips but hanging on.

yet sometimes we need others being Jesus with skin on to help us hold on even if at the time we seem to think that we don't want it.  And are doing our best to be horrid to those who are around us. Doing the very best impression of a hedgehog prickles out and curled up into a tight ball.. but you know even when a hedgehog does that if you hold it right.. have patience when it feels safe and trusts who's doing the holding then it will unfurl again and slowly venture out again... but it takes time. 

why say all this today, because I am that hedgehog right now .... A decision on saturday left me in a place that makes no sense and left me walking through the shadows and anguish.