on the tube...

saw this on the tube today... And got me thinking... it's a advert for a uk cable channel. The words at the bottom were what struck me.. its not going to change your life but thats not what we're about you got God channel for that... as part of my studies and coming from a background outside of the church one of the questions that I've asked and many more people are asking is what is church how do we define that word. When church is the people who are disciples of Jesus. encouraging seeking journeying together into a closer relationship with God becoming more like Him. What the advert here says is what they are and are not. they are there for entertainment - not to change life.. they are one of many channels bidding for our time.. putting on different programmes aiming at different groups of people... sounds very like the way the "church" does things. The tv channel are very aware of who they are and what they are about. I think that has a major challenge for the "church" are we just another group/organisation that is vying for peoples time or is there more is the church the place where lives are transformed. Not just putting on programmes but leading each other deeper in life changing encounters with the living God.. 

Shalom

Evening Prayer: karin leonard

I saw this while messing around looking up peace.. The title of this post in Hebrew.  It would be a  photo I'd have taken  given the chance walking along the shore.  The painting isn't s well known as the one I posted earlier this week and spoke about in that post. It is a strange place to be talking about peace right now.. when everything says I should be angry, when the world would say you should be angry.  This painting for me is peace, is my idea of peace.

I put on my Facebook status yesterday that I was amused by a situation that I found myself in. It should have hurt, been like putting salt on a wound or pressing a bruise to have continued to feed into how I was doing. But to use amuse surly not not just a few days after being found in the darkest of shadows. A friend noted they were not amused but livid at what had happened. I wrote amused having spent time listening - listening to what God was saying to me, I was on retreat, not a retreat in a normal sense and not something I do very often.. space, conversation, questions (Hard questions at times),friends, food and prayer and love.  

The timing wasn't the most easy for any of us to be going through this ( work and family for my friends) and for me to be doing a hedgehog impression. 

I'm not saying that it has just gone away it's still a hard place to be in. To be writing about peace feels as I started the post as being very wrong. This though is the reality of the place that I find myself in. 

The words of Bill Johnson tonight rang so true and resonate with what I was being asked to refocus on while away he writes

"You can only hold on to one thing at a time - the promise of God or disappointment. You'll have to drop one to embrace the other." 

To live in this goes against the very nature of man against self, we want to live in the disappointment and hurt.to justify the how we are feeling and almost keep ourselves in the position of being disappointed or hurt. We have been promised life by God... not just any type of life but life in all fullness.. 

Coming back from the retreat carrying this peace that the promises of God are still strong, that the family that He has given are there to cary and support. The hedgehog isn't unfurled yet there is a though unlike this time last week a pin prick of light at the end of the tunnel. The peace I have I can not begin to explain to truly describe to you it can't be Earned,  or brought it is freely given . I know where this peace comes from 

 "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding"

Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?

I guess many will instantly know the painting here, the scream by Edvard Munch yes thats right not Vincent Willem van Gogh. It has been used time and time again as a illustration of pain and anguish that is suffered. Its in many ways a good friday picture. so what do I mean by that. I part to be very honest here I don't know. It's a place that for each of us is very different. A place of soul searching of a place where the end of the tunnel seems so distant there is not even a pin prick of light at the end of it. A place of loneliness, of betrayal (very real not always true) a place where you cant even breath a place that seems like drowning. For jesus he went through this too, the feeling of abandonment, the gospels recount those last hours and words, 

“At three o’clock, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ which is translated, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” 

(Mark 15:34; Matthew 27:46).

there on the cross Jesus was praying the words of psalm 22 a psalm that starts with pain with sorrow and ends with praise to God, to his father. He Knew the such a deep suffering and anguish. Yet did not give up on His father did not let go that relationship. 

yet the writer of the psalm asks that ever present question in time of grief and pain "why" "why have you forsaken" what is being experienced by the writer is how we find ourselves , with situations and places that makes no sense; where things do not fit together."Why" God seems very distant in both space and time theres a emptiness left. The wandering through trust and question, hanging on by finger tips to faith. blistered,sore and bleeding finger tips but hanging on.

yet sometimes we need others being Jesus with skin on to help us hold on even if at the time we seem to think that we don't want it.  And are doing our best to be horrid to those who are around us. Doing the very best impression of a hedgehog prickles out and curled up into a tight ball.. but you know even when a hedgehog does that if you hold it right.. have patience when it feels safe and trusts who's doing the holding then it will unfurl again and slowly venture out again... but it takes time. 

why say all this today, because I am that hedgehog right now .... A decision on saturday left me in a place that makes no sense and left me walking through the shadows and anguish. 

Urban farm

I wrote a few time now about the local city farm here in vauxhall it's been great to get to know the team that works there over the last few months. Today coming back from visiting in the community there was a sight I wasn't expecting. Now i am used to seeing the pony and horses being walked around the estate or even ridden. but to see two cows walking down the middle of the street was something very new. I love it :). whats so great is that in a inner city area the children get to touch and see so many different animals. I grew up going away on holiday or getting out of the city some weekends so saw animals in the feilds or on the farms. many children and families don't get that when most weeks they are finding it difficult to make ends meet. having the farm in the community brings them a place to go and meet the animals and for a short time get a brake form the city. a brief respite from the daily grind.

My Patch out and about

Last night I had a invite to dinner at Allen Hall the catholic seminary just over Battersea Bridge. The carving above is in the refectory and really caught my attention. I was told it was designed by a former student unfortunately you can't really see it but the detail in the carving was amazing so intricate even the fur on the dog could be seen. It made a change to the normal carving found in refectories of the Last Supper. 

Going to another patch was really good, to another tradition and spending the evening talking debating and a tour round the seminary. 

Have you got a minute

Actually have you got 1:50 to sit and watch a video.. I was looking during the week for the  Matt Redman song  Nothing but the blood of Jesus for a link to my photo blog while doing that I came across this video.  A few years ago I was in India and came across the book the In His Image in the book one of the authors talk about how when in India one of their children had caught measles and they needed to protect the younger child with the "blood of a overcomer" they needed to get the blood of someone who had had measles and over come it to mike a vaccine. As I watched this video today though I read this book 4 years ago now the image came flooding back. Through the gospels we read the trials and temptations that Jesus faced, the joys and the sorrows, and share abandonment and that He overcame death and sin on the cross and in His resurrection. One passage that stands out while I was thinking about this was the words of revelation 

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony

That we can use the things in our lives that were broken yet have over come to encourage others in their situations. For those in my patch, to come along side those who have found they are alone in a strange place. Having moved to london from the midlands knowing no-one here but bringing the light of jesus into that situation using my experience of how that feels to help another "overcome." Recently I was preaching and shared part of my testimony in the service at the end a older lady came up to me and said thank you for giving permission not to read but to listen to the Bible on the ipod my granddaughter struggles to read and is dyslexic but what you said encouraged us today. How was I able to to share through allowing Jesus to come into my situation and allowing Him to heal bringing that overcame into that place.

Sunset over London

This was the view from my balcony last night, the last few days have been grey and cold here but this last night was a real respite from the gloom and damp today its been back to the rain. 3 or 4 storey blocks around here cast shadows and block out the sun at the best of times so its often seems darker than it really is. Yet yesterday for a few moments light broke through the darkness and that hope was seen, people seemed to be a bit more cheerful even if it was horribly cold. Today the sound of the sparrows and house-martins filled the air I wonder if they were complaining about the damp too. 

walking around the estate I heard another noise the rustling of leaves looking down  their at the bottom of a tree was a squirrel with a mouthful of leaves I guess mr squirrel wanted extra blankets today too.

Five Star Doorway

Mayfair Isn't my normal haunt especially on a saturday but today I was off to one of the most sought after postcodes in London. If you are familiar with the traditional version of the game monopoly you will know that Park Lane and Mayfair are the most expensive places on the board not much changes in real life. I've never been around Mayfair, and so walking past the houses and through a lovely park was really nice. I'm sure that on a sunny day this would be even more beautiful. But today it was icy cold and no-one was wanting to sit about in the park and maybe the place to have gone to eat my pack lunch (even if this time last year the picnic was at minus 28) but was far to cold and I made tea and stayed warm.

stayed warm not all could do that today!!! 

The reason for this little trip was to go to a workshop on Homelessness, Day after day in Vauxhall countless homeless sleep under the railway arches and in the underpass between the two blocks of flats where I live. The stark contrast between those who have and those who don't was in sharp contrast as I walked past a guy maybe my age asleep in a doorway. One of the things we were reminded of today at the workshop was that as one person said we are all 3 steps away from being homeless that’s a scary thought. 

Somewhere over the rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high,

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

The words of the well loved well known song sung by Judy Garland in the The Wizard of Oz. The end of the Rainbow is the west end black comedy/ musical that tells the story of the come back again of Judy Garland in 1968 tormented by drugs and drink and life spiralling out of control a place where the words of this song have a very different longing to what was sung thirty years before as a young girl.

Tracie Bennet as Judy garland Photo - official show photo

I've loved the theatre since I was very small after being introduced to it by my Nan like many children here in the uk through the christmas pantomime. Like one of my friends it is something that refills the tank.

 I wasn't expecting what I got tonight. the anguish and life that was shown on the stage was truly amazing. What came through from the actors was a enjoyment of what they were doing and the story they were portraying.

During the show there are a few places where the challenge that faces many of us, myself included comes through so strongly. A mentor,lecturer and friend of mine often uses the this "who are you going to listen to". I was hearing this as I watched the the turmoil unfold, as Judy listened and fell back into old habits as she listened and relied on her new young fiance and said goodbye to a old friend who wanted to and truly cared for her. 

I came away with that in my ears who are you going to listen to, when things are rough, which friends are you going to listen to those who lead to life or those who lead to destruction. 

Jesus junk

I'm not sure you can have Jesus and junk in a phrase like the title of the blog post today but sometimes with some of the junk that goes around in church circles that can be true. I'd have said that about plastic glow in the dark crosses yes you read that right they are what some of the youth are wearing.

but Jesus junk stopped me in my tracks this weekend while on a sleep over with the brownies. As one of the guides showed me theres she had promised to after a recent story she told me about it.

Over the last few months I've got to know a couple of the  guides and had some interesting conversations with them. And taken some a fair bit of stick in the form of jokes from them(but have given some back:)) They have taken to asking questions some of which they may not normally ask others they made that known a while back.

What I like is some of the seemingly silly stories they tell me, but have such meaning behind them. One of the stories was while one of the guides was babysitting. she didn't want to turn the light on so they wouldn't wake up the younger child they were watching but needed to get around the room. Not thinking she told me in full flow that she noticed that the plastic glow in the dark cross was giving enough light to see where she was going.

It really made me smile,

Home from Home

 Over the past two years I've spent nearly all my holiday time in a city that has become Home, The saying goes Home is where the Heart is.. Nothing can be truer for me at least as this place and some of the people has stolen mine.. Two years ago I went as part of my college course to do a placement in Finland. A Cliff  College MA student who lives there was to be my placement leader and someone who had become a great friend.. it very quickly it felt like home and has become home.  

I don't know what caught me about a place where I don't speak either of the languages Finnish or Swedish ( and the few words I do now know are not always that helpful and based mainly on words used by my friends to the dogs.) I think the pace of life maybe part of it, the air that is fresher. Maybe it's because there I can stop and just be.. Just a thought 

The city hit the headlines in the Uk recently as David Beckham had surgery there. 

It has to be one of the most beautiful places I've visited, walking along (or on when it's frozen) the river Aura watching the sunset. And down to a favourite place for coffee and Pulla away from home cafe art :).. oh and after a nice walk  (Though walking my friends dogs with her mother in law is always an adventure!!!! ) or after supper there's nothing better than a sauna :)

This year Turku is the Euroopan Kulttuuripääkaupunki  (european capital of culture)..  the program is full and it's not just cultural things as you would expect that are happening.. theres something for everyone.. this weekend marks the opening in style wish I was able to go see..

“This Side, The Other Side” is one of the biggest shows ever seen in Finland

The spectacular opening brings fire and love above River Aura

Turku will open the Capital of Culture year 2011 with a three-day weekend full of events and activities on 14–16 January 2011. The opening performance “This Side, The Other Side” on the evening of Saturday 15 January is the single largest event of the year. Concerts and events for the entire family will draw the audience to the city centre

There are one or two things that I really would like to go and see and maybe I'll get I'd love to hear Turku Philharmonic Orchestra  play again I had the privilege  to go to the independence day concert on december 6th which was fabulous. A comment that made made smile during the speeches that day that Turku was the capital of Finland when Helsinki was still a small unheard of village.. 

So this isn't my normal type of post I know the thoughts were started by a message from Turku 2011 saying thank you for the hugh interest and they were sorry that the site kept crashing :) 

So if you thinking of a weekend away why not think about a trip to this years Euroopan Kulttuuripääkaupunki

pay it forward

If you don't know thats the name of a wonderful film based on the novel by CATHERINE RYAN HYDE, pay it forward was the answer to a question set by one of the characters in the book a teacher to a group of eleven yrs olds in his social studies class ( see the clip here). what unfolds from this idea was amazing.. I used the film in a bible study with a group of boys who wouldn't normally have chosen this film they were enthralled by the story and the characters. 
                        The challnge today on a friends Facebook status reads

Pay it forward 2011... I promise to make something handmade for the first five people who comment here. They must in turn post this and make something for the first five who comment on their status. *The rules are it has to be handmade by you, and they must receive it before 2011 ends (p.s. this may involve something as simple as a batch of cookies...)

How about that for this year.... not a clue what to do but why not write a card, or drop some flowers off to someone...

Promises

How do you teach a bunch of 3-6yrs about what the covenant service is all about... When many of those in our congregations struggle with it. The words are not easy and  leave us all with food for thought.

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield

all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God,

Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

Hard words to say they should be. Just take another look at what your saying. Lord I'm yours, all that I am, all that I have is yours. I give up any rights that I think I have. The fact is it's not about me  at all.  No it's all about you, your will. I'll accept what comes my way and  no matter what I'll follow you. That is some promise that is being made. What if, just for a moment what if the church actually lived that way.. if I truly lived that way... what a statement that that would be to those around us..

What is a promise, why do we make them? How do we make them.. 

All important questions questions that tomorrow in junior church we are going to look at.. under 5 points... 

1) Think - why I am making this promise

2) Time - do I have time to keep the promise or will I make the time to keep it 

3) Energy - is your heart in the promise 

4) Materials - do I have what is needed to keep the promise

5) Know how - how do I keep the promise 

For the children we'll say this tomorrow

Thinking about the covenant prayer how to explain to this bunch of 3-6yr olds redefines what it means and the difficult words it holds. how ever you comes to it it is not a simple prayer. 

chick chick chick chicken

chick chick chick chicken lay a little egg for me.. well this one wont lay a egg for me but its great it was a gift for looking after the hens for the rector and his wife... 

made out of recycled metal I love it ... 

Sometimes its the simple things that mean the most......

That's the one !!!!

That's the one is a phrase that was used by one boy at Archbishop Sumner school where I was leading the school Assembly.... It being Epiphany I decided to take three presents with me.. and asked the head to choose three children to help me.. so they looked in the bag and chose a present to open. Now these three presents were very different, one was wrapped in brown paper, one very nicely in sparkling paper, and one nice but with two types of paper... 

I asked them the question "why did you choose that present" there replies "I liked the paper" and "it looked expensive so there might be something valuable in side"

what really struck me was the comment by one boy... they say "out of the mouths of babes" come honest answer and truth well that was so evident yesterday. The reason he chose the brown paper present " cos that's the one Jesus would have chosen" wow 

And He was right.... 

it wasn't the point to what I was going to say it had passed me by I was focused and had missed something so simple...

Santa's and chicks

Christmastide doesn't officially finish until 6th January the twelfth day when we remember the wise men bringing there gifts. Theres still chocolate santa's at a reduced price on the shelf... so I thought I was caught up in some strange time warp when I went into Tesco's to pick up some flu meds to find a shelf full of chocolate bunny's eggs and cows... I was glad the lady next to me also stopped looked and exclaimed surly i'm seeing things.. It wasn't just me..

yes the manger and the cross are intimately woven together in our history without there being christmas celebrating Christ with us God taking on human form that He may draw us back to himself there would be no easter no offering of new life through the cross... We do remember this at christmas in the making of the christingle the red ribbon that represents that sacrifice...

but chocolate chicks on 3rd january 2011 this was a little bit too early for me... 

What would you give

Today I went to two VERY different fellowships for worship...

The second was a little bit different as it's aimed at the gay community and meets once a month in the methodist church building in vauxhall. I don't want to get into the different arguments and politics about the right or wrong of this so please respect that.. The sermon and service theme was based on epiphany and used the readings for today used in the rest of the parish and circuit and I must admit I enjoy the occasions when I get to go the welcome is always warm and the fellowship after over food is always fun even if I'm the odd one out :). At the moment there is a very interesting question being asked amongst the fellowship is how to open up to others so that all are welcome.. thats a vey real question for us all how do we make ALL welcome not matter what their background might be..

  As part of the sermon we were told " The wise men brought three gifts with them as they followed the star towards bethlehem" .. and then asked 

 "what gift would you give Jesus" 

What I loved was the response that came back from the congregation.. a hug, a meal, a place to stay, a drink, and my favourite from one guy a fellow traveller from nottingham :) was this

'' I'd give Him a foot massage as He would need it after all the traveling''

Those were not what I was expecting but really made me begin to think what would I give him.. those weren't what you would call text book answers the ones that I expect to here at a Bible college or study group... these were answer that came from the person they were real and from the heart..

we sing in the carol in bleak mid winter the words to the final verse are 

What can I give Him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;

If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;

Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

What can I give Him? what ever your answer let it come from the heart 

U.F.O's over vauxhall

In the summer I posted about strange things in the skies on a sunday afternoon.. well tonight a reoccurrence took place floating past was more balloons but this time they were captured...  and now float in my living-room :) a proud moment as the prey was caught and brought back :) reminded me of trying to catch the dandelion seeds in the summer as a child. What it must of looked like as I tried to catch the bunch that came my way I don't know but i know those who tried to get the smaller bunches that were flying by looked very silly too :). 

We can be far afraid of being free of being playful of being a child when as adults there are so many things that can hold us back.. I heard this story recently

one summer on a daddy daughter day a dad took his 7 year old daughter to disney land . She headed straight for Space Mountain.  The dad got worried that his little girl would get scared but she loved it 

To her delight, they rode it twice.

the following summer they went again, now eight, again dragged the dad to Space Mountain. standing in the line she read the warning signs and began to worry. and turned to her dad telling him she no longer wanted to go on the ride. confused the dad asked why she had changed her mind when last year she had enjoyed it so much her reason this year I can read...

Things get in the way, maybe it's what people will think, maybe its we can now read we all have those but what if's that run through our thoughts taking ourselves way to seriously ... 

last year I went with a friend to wales for a holiday, while she sat and read I flew a plastic kite like the ones i used to buy with pocket money on holiday as a child... and built a sandcastle. while building it people stopped by commenting on it, with the same feeling "I wish I could do that" or "its good to just let go some times and not be adults"my friend came down to tell me it was really time we got going again, commenting on the castle she pointed out the gates   and bridge over the moat.. kneeling with hands on hips my reply proudly defiant that is a portcullis. 

I wish I could do that we all can let go and be like children trusting and just being free, just being living in the moment not thinking what others may think.. I wonder if thats why during the 90's karaoke became so popular it was a type of permission to do the silly songs and entertain like many children still do...

God wants us to be who he created us to be, to use all the senses and enjoy life yes we all have responsibilities that we have to fulfil but to be to rest to play to be like a child and live in that moment to enjoy life and not worry what tomorrow will bring or what people may think.

so the next time you see a dandelion seed floating o the wind you have permission to catch it hold it and blow it onto the wind again. or go window shopping with a friend arm in arm.. 

and yes this goes for those of us who are in leadership too we too need to be able to let go and be... 

New Years Eve part 2

We were just in the middle of communion when the fireworks went up in London to mark 2011 not just a new year but a new decade..

Before the service I had been invited over to a new years whist party which when I got the invite I hadn't got a clue what it was to be honest I still don't really get it but had a wonderful hour there.. before heading down the road to prepare for the service..

one of the big jobs was trying to find a robe that fitted I felt like part of the three bears tale too small too big just right. 

so for those who have joked about it here it is 

The curate preached a short sermon but longer was not needed the one thing stuck out are we able to look at the person before us and see good in them to see past race or religion and see the creator God see His image in them... 

In my new years eve post I said that understanding and hearing and listing would be on my wish list to santa... 

if we are there listening and hearing the wishper of God we may just be surprised where we see His and and voice this coming year 

New Years Eve

I'm sat in my living on the sofa trying not to fall a sleep and hoping the bug I've had all week will behave and it's only 18:30 at 22:00 I need to be at church to run through the service tonight for the first time I've been asked to act as deacon for the watch night service at the Anglican church.. Scary very.

But while I ate my supper I picked up a copy of the big issue that I by from a friend. I saw her today and found that it is her birthday tomorrow. 

One of the articles in this addition is a letter to santa written by the founder of the big issue John Bird he opens his letter 

Dear Santa

I am going to be greedy this year. Not content with a few bags of sweets and socks and hankies.I want big stuff in my stocking please.

Big stuff big Issues!!  as Christians are we willing am I willing to ask big things of God to step out with big requests expecting for them to be answered. What are the things that make us burn with righteous anger in our communities. To see the need and ask God to move and to go further and be the answer to that prayer. Are we content this year with staying where we are with God or moving deeper into Him deeper into that personal relationship He calls us into, or instead will we stay content with ''sweets and socks and hankies'' the choice is there for each of us.

What is the big stuff? 

for John Bird 

''I would like a big box of CLARITY. Followed by some LEADERSHIP. And then, you can never get enough UNDERSTANDING. I suppose the other big want, and I hope you are in a generous mood, is SOLIDARITY.''

What would I write

I would like UNDERSTANDING that we could have that empathy and concern for another even when it's hard for us.. To HEAR and LISTEN to each other and what the other is saying rather than what we would like to hear. That each of us would be JESUS with SKIN on to all we meet.

I'm not going to say the rest of the article to do that would ruining the ethos of the big issue if you want to read it go by it from a vendor or get a back issue.